DEER FURRIES & VIRUSES

Been kind of thinking about why I swapped from being largely deer-focused in my vtuber design and identity to centipedes, despite me literally having legally changed my name to Elk.

I still heavily identify with deer but I just don't like being too publically aligned with deer furries? At first it seemed fun to find a little niche I belonged in but I quickly got very tired of how... babified it all is. I know a lot of furry species have their own silly memes, but it just feels different with deer furries? I think its because with all the other species I still see plenty of serious art and posts and designs. Even sergals with their cheese wheel meme still have dignity as "cool dragons". Also I don't think the cheese wheel meme is as relevant as it used to be but that could just be bc im not in the community.

Meanwhile all I see of deer furries is like. "oooh haha they're so silly. Strawbs!!!! look at me i'm so silly d:" and idk. It just doesn't sit right with me. It just makes me feel the same way that the popular "trans men are all uwu soft boys with flower crowns" thing does. Bad. That's not me, I don't relate to this.

I like identifying with centipedes and other myriapods and parasites and disease because... They aren't cutesified in the same way. In the case of the animals- The only people that make cute statements about them are also people who respect them as animals greatly. Because the common populace has negative opinion of them- They're "disgusting". They're considered vile, things that must be killed. I like knowing that for the people that care about these creatures, they are beautiful things. They are fascinating creatures with rich inner lives that we only understand the surface of.

I suppose my inability to find a group I fit in is partly self inflicted. I find a group with a common interest, but fail to relate, and so I go to the outcasts as always. I don't see any memes about centipedes. I don't see any posts about how cute they are. How silly they are. And they are those things! They're lovely things. I do my best to change that, to try and get others to see them the way I do. It's difficult, but I love these animals. I love being fascinated with the horrors of the world- Not just the creatures we perceive with the naked eye. Viruses, parasites, bacteria. There is beauty in these things.

I think it's important as humans to be humble about what we are in the world. It's easy to be scared and disturbed by the things that find home amongst and within us. We think ourselves above, we think ourselves better than. But can we not see those things that harm us- and still find wonder in them? Can we not acknowledge the horrific suffering that these creatures can inflict on us, and still love them? Can we not find appreciation for our fellow lives on this little rock in space?

I don't want to anthromorphosise diseases or animals, as that's not the way we should learn to respect life. But I do often think about the intelligence of these entirely brainless things. A virus that inhibits itself by triggering your immune system to stay alert, because it somehow knows that keeping itself weak is important so that the host doesn't die or get rid of it. How does it know that? Isn't that something wonderful? So small, and yet with the same amount of self preservation as any larger animal?

I suppose I'm rambling by now, but its just... I think a lot about my relationship to all life. It's not cruel to kill it when you must, but it is cruel to ignore its achievements- the wonders of the world and life itself.